Sunday, April 12, 2009

You might be a dispatcher if...

You Might Be a Dispatcher If...

**You can carry on more than 4 conversations simultaneously!

**You have a bladder capacity of a tanker!

**You can resume a conversation with co-workers 4 hours later, in mid-sentence and everyone knows that you are talking about!

**You have a long term telephonic relationship with one or more paranoid schizophrenic PTSD
suffering relatives of a public official.

**You have ever had to explain to a college educated, gainfully employed, tax paying property owner that: His/her child's lack of interest in vegetables was not a police matter!

**You have ever muttered the phrase: "They let him carry a GUN?"

**You find yourself typing "height" and "weight" instead of "width" and "height" when adding dimensions to the HTML "IMG SRC" tags on your web-site.

**You answer your home phone "9-1-1, what is your emergency?"

**You spend more on fast food than utilities.

**You see nothing wrong with eating a Taco Bell Grande Meal or pizza at 3 a.m

**You consider coffee an indispensable work tool (especially on graveyards).

**You answer your home phone "dispatch".

**You answer dispatch phone "hell" instead of "hello".

**The only thing that gets your adrenaline going is the walk to and from your car.

**You find humor in other people's misery.

**You're only happy if you have something to complain about.

**You consider patience a weakness, not a virtue.

**Your idea of a good night involves someone burning a house down, getting shot, chased or dismembered.

**You have forgotten what it is like to actually eat a warm meal.

**Your dog doesn't recognize you and the kids think you're just the person who drops by every now and then to bring groceries and do the laundry.

**You think it's funny when a would-be suicide gets bored waiting for the gas from the stove to do it's thing and lights a cigarette to pass the time resulting in an explosion that leaves her neighbors homeless but she still survives.

**You truly believe stupidity should be painful.

**Dinner consist of a 2 liter bottle of soda and whatever you can scrounge out of the vending machine.

**Antacid tablets, or better known as dispatcher candy, become your regular desert.

**You read newspaper accounts of a major incident that occurred during your shift and can point
out all the incorrect information...and then laugh about it.

**Family members comment about how nice you "used" to be before you started this job.

**You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac and/or birth control over certain parts of your city.

**You have no idea what a holiday is, other than it's the day when everyone gets drunk and beats up their family members.

**You get impatient listening to people relate a story - You want "just the facts".

**You believe 90% of people can't look up a telephone number.

**You get easily bored with happy content people.

**You can talk on the phone, listen to the radio and type request into the computer at the same time without missing anything.

**You think it is funny when a "regular client" kills himself while breaking into a business.

**You can give directions to any location in your city off the top of your head.

**You can relate a 10 minute story over a 2 hour time period, after many interruptions, without losing your place.

**You refuse to allow anyone to say "have a quiet shift".

**You believe that the statement, "It sure is quiet!" will bring down the wrath of god upon you.

**You can give anyone the exact address of Parkway Crossing in your jurisdiction.

**You question the motives of anyone who makes an effort to get to know you after they learn your profession.

**You know the phone number of every restaurant or business that delivers food.

**You spell everything phonetically.

**You can only tell time on a 24 hour clock.

**You acknowledge your friends and families remarks with the time.

**You have spent time explaining to officers, firefighters or EMTs the difference between a dispatcher and a personal assistant.

**You live in fear of a full moon.

**You are on a first name basis with every crazy lunatic in your jurisdiction.

**You find no comfort in knowing that the equipment that you depend on to do your job and protect others was purchased at the lowest bid possible.

**You find yourself talking to family and friends in codes.

**You have a tendency to giggle at your friends "big" problems.

**You respond 10-4 when told to please pull around to the first window at a fast food restaurant.

**You tell cops and firefighters where to go without fear.

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